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【迁爱—我和儿子不得不说的故事】（第十六章）

wz2670052

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1楼 大 中 小 发表于 2012-8-1 18:43  显示全部帖子
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重口味泪目 ,话说回来我个人更喜欢男女而不是百合,希望LZ多多考虑.
另外一点是LZ在描写呻吟的时候用了太多的标点符号和"哦","啊"之类的拟声词,感觉就像以前的H文经常用的手法,要注意一下撒.
若是能改的更加有文艺青年的范那就能让文章显得更有可读性,成为经典也非不可能了.

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